Why The Lonely Foot Splasher?

So, as you guys know, I read quite a lot (like, a lot, a lot) 📚. Lately, as I begin to carve out my own lane in the world, I’ve been reading even more, devouring every self-help, business, marketing, and sales book that I can get my hands on. It’s become a sort of obsession 🙈 lol. One day, I actually might have to create a site with all the books I read. Call it, like,  The Burly Bookworm or something.

But anyways, one of the common themes in many of these business books (especially marketing) is the importance of sharing your “story”. Your “story” is the reason behind what you’re doing what you’re doing. That being said, I thought I’d use today to illustrate just that: my story—oooor at least how it starts 📖.☺️…

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Once upon time, Christian used to be a Lonely Splasher. That’s right, Christian the Great White Matador wasn’t always the most swimmiest swimmer in the 7 seas. He was actually quite the tadpole, never once venturing out further than his brown, beady little eyes could see. He used to sit solemn and alone on the edges of pools, looking forlornly down past his dangling phalanges into the cold, frightening, watery depths, imagining just about every monster that lay hidden😣. Before slicing, gliding, cartwheeling, and backflipping through typhoons and whirlpools, whenever the mere thought of the DEEP end arose, it was his stomach that did all the slicing, gliding, cartwheeling, and backflipping, up and around his teeny tiny chest🤸🏽‍♂️. Sometimes, he experienced these SAME organ acrobatics in the shallows! (whenever he lost his footing; he didn’t always have retractable flippers). And before creating Tsunamis with his powerful legendary dolphin kick, he, too, used to avoid large crowds of splashing, playing, boisterous bodies for the mini pool Tsunamis they created 🌊..

And then, one day, when he felt  as if there were more to life than living as a lonesome foot splasher gazing out into the distance, he stared those deep chlorinated watery depths in their shimmering blue–green eyes and dove right in 💦. That’s right, right in, with no regard for fears, concerns, or what the other foot splashers thought of him. Wishing to partake in the great adventures that lay beyond the grey granite ledge, he pushed aside every fearful thought in this mind and dove in.Now because he had yet to develop his super incredible super gills, it wasn’t long (.7 seconds to be exact) before he came RIGHT back up splashing, gasping, coughing, and clawing for air😱.Because, you see, while he may have succeeded in embracing his seaward destiny, he still had much to learn about this new watery frontier……..

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…Part 2 next week, or something

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.”- Henry David Thoreau

Follow & like my fake candids on IG at: NoChainz26

Screenshot my inappropriate snaps & send them to my pastor at: NoChainz26

Stalk my elementary school years & every old girlfriend I ever had on FB at: Behind your dirty refrigerator

Catch all the subtweets to ex bosses on Twitter at: Let me think about it

Add money in my bank account at: In between your ashy toes

For swim lessons email: TheLonelyFootSplasher@gmail.com