Welcome back Foot Splashers and Seasoned Swimmers 📷! Today’s topic concerns the second step one must undertake on their journey to becoming master of the 6 feets and seas (always 6 though because Christian, the Great Whale Shark Rider, still holds the 7th📷)
Floating is infamous for being that aquatic skill that nobody but fresh newborn babies and oversized Floatopia inflatables possess📷. Its notoriety is often well documented: “I tried floating 5 years ago. I sank like a 2-ton anchor. I’ll never try it again.”
Its successful application? Envied. “My sister thinks she’s soooo cool because she can float. She’s ALWAYS laughing at me. It’s cool though. I’m going to show her float next weekend when I toss her ragedy a—”
— Now, now, no need to get hostile, kids. That’s what I’m here for. Allow me to lead you through the land of chlorine, salt, and underwater snake clowns📷📷 (Lego Batman, anyone? anyone?..oh, nevermind..awkward).
But first, a couple fun facts about floating (because who doesn’t like fun facts?):
At about chest level depth your bodyweight is reduced about 90% because of buoyancy (science is cool)
The capacity of any object to float is determined by its weight and the amount of water it displaces or moves (why is science so cool)
Annnd lastly, many of you will hopelessly sink…& that’s okay📷if you have a certain amount of muscle or wrestle polar bears in your free time (like me), you will sink📷. That’s your cross to bear, but you’re not alone because I sink too 📷
For the rest of you, I’m jealous 📷
But anyways, enough of all that! Floater or sinker, here’s how to front float (or at least try) in more steps than are probably necessary because steps are almost as cool as science, right?
1st: Fill lungs with air by taking the deepest largest breath ever (possibly your last…jay kay, jay kay )📷
2nd: While standing, position head facedown in water 📷
3rd: Extend arms and kick legs up and behind you 📷
4th: Spread legs outwards so entire body resembles a starfish📷 📷
5th: Relax and enjoy for as long as you can 📷📷
Bonus: Say “hi” to Ariel for me 📷
And there you go! Practice a few times in a row (5 times should do it) focusing on relaxing. The worst that can happen is you sink rather slowly to the bottom. To stand, gently swing arms back and lightly tuck knees to your chest. Once you’re comfortable floating (or sinking with style), you’re ready for the next step! 📷
**Footnote: babies, children, women, 40+ year old humans, and most dad bods often have the easiest time floating due to higher body fat to muscle ratio. Isn’t life poetic?
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“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live”- Henry David Thoreau
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Like my shameless half-naked photos on IG in between #ForTheD&Pchallenges: Nochainz26
Watch me give the FEDS every detail of my mundane life on Snapchat: Nochainz26
Catch me spilling all my deepest darkest secrets 140 characters at a time on Twitter: still never in your life
Put money in my bank account: behind the skeletons in your closet
Read all the Fake News articles I fell for and graciously shared to drag the rest of the human race down with me on FB: Christian Cabrera
Email TheLonelyFootSplasher@gmail.com for lessons 📷
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