About Me (these are important, right?)

Christian, The Great, has been guiding lonely foot splashers off the ledges of pools and into the waters of wonder and fantasy for eons now (3.2 billion years to be exact). Now, I’d be lying if I said he created Foot Splasher to save the world. He didn’t. Not even to save the universe, but he did create it to save something 🌌.

The Lonely Foot Splasher has a very humble beginning (in truth, it still is rather humble). To begin with, the term “Foot Splasher” started off as a little jest he created to refer to the many who attend pool parties but never the actual pool 🙅🏽‍♂️. From there it evolved into something much more. Much like the human race (for those who were around long enough to witness it).

To make a long story medium, Foot Splasher went from jest to hobby to something quite still a hobby but much more ambitious. Humans evolved so that they could one day create Oreos (mankind’s greatest achievement). In the same way, Foot Splasher evolved to create the human equivalent of Oreos: Super Swimmers 🏊🏽.

Super Swimmers can save both the world and the universe. That’s why Christian, the benevolent, doesn’t have to. By mastering the art of watertry 🏄🏽 (you read that correctly), super swimmers become heralds of hope for the land trapped citizens of earth.

You see because mastering watertry is no small feat. Watertry requires a supreme understanding and acceptance of life’s most quintessential essence: stillness 💆🏽‍♂️.

To truly master watertry and ascend to Super Swimmer divine hood, one must balance letting go and allowing the flow to….flow and tapping into it to navigate where you’ll go. Now this can get pretty deep, and I did say that I would keep this medium, so we’ll end the conversation here and pick up somewhere else in the blog, but it was a pleasure having you here and I look forward to seeing you sometime within the mystical world of water 🌎.


But all jokes aside, I created this to improve and enhance the lives of others through water safety and enjoyment. It’s no secret that the water is amazing: it exists in 3 states, it’s consistently constant, and it’s better than Gatorade etc. etc. It can be said that water is as much a part of the earth as it is a part of us 🤞🏽.

We all know that most of life on earth as we know it wouldn’t exist without water. Which is mostly why it’s one of the first things we look for in space (shoutout to Musk 🚀).  Add that to the notion of water as a primordial element and it becomes nothing short of divine.

If you follow me along that super spotty stretch of a connection, engaging with water is to engage with the divine 💫. And who wouldn’t want to do that?


I’ve been teaching water safety and swimming for 10+ years and counting. You know, for those that care about those things. If you’re interested in lessons or have questions, feel free to message me wherever; my contact information is (probably) in more places than it should be 🤷🏽‍♂️.


“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live”- Henry David Thoreau


Like my poorly captioned pictures on IG: NoChainz26

Snap me everything you wouldn’t want your pastor or momma to see on Snapchat: NoChainz26

Read all of my innermost thoughts and fears on Twitter in the next lifetime, and when I actually get fears.

Watch me struggle against Facebook’s algorithms to get my status updates seen by my own friends and relatives: Christian Cabrera

Deposit money in my fraudulent Wells Fargo account: talk to my lawyer. 




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